Friday, June 7, 2013

A "Perfect Mom" vs. A "Good Mom"

I am in no way a perfect parent.  I like to think that I am pretty darn close (even though I know I am not) and have even thought that I should be nominated for some "Parent of the Year" award at some fictional conference somewhere really warm and tropical.  But, in reality, if there really was such an award, I likely wouldn't qualify for that honor and I am totally proud of that.  Huh??  Allow me to explain...

You see, I've never been one of those moms that thinks or feels they need to live up to society's ideal of a "Perfect Mom".  You know the one I am talking about.  I bet you have a friend or two that projects this near perfect image of the "Perfect Mom".  The one who doesn't or rarely complains about the demands of motherhood.  The one who boasts about all the wonderful accomplishments her children have or are making as a result of her rearing techniques.   The one who manages to multitask a multitude of responsibilities AND ponders what do do with all her free time.  The one with nerves of steel and the patience of a Saint.  Ya!  THAT mom.

I am NOT that mom.  Nope.  I mean I have moments of greatness but all in all, I am your average "Got too much on my plate and keep taking on more, feeling really overwhelmed, not sure how I am gonna make it through the day, this ain't what I thought motherhood was gonna be like, I am loosing my mind and gotta stop yelling so much" kinda mom.

Don't get me wrong, I love motherhood (mostly) and I love my kids with all my heart (even when they are little monsters having a bad day).  I've just set some realistic expectations for myself in regards to my role as what a "Good Mom" should be. That way, when I surpass this benchmark I totally feel like a supermom, hence why I sometimes think I deserve some kinda award.  When I fall short, I take those opportunities to learn and make amends.  I also move on and upwards and do not beat myself up about my parenting mistakes because I know there are gonna be many, MANY more to come and if I allow myself to feel defeated or like a "Bad Mom", it will only affect my children's well being and developmental growth.

Making MISTAKES and APOLOGIZING is NOT a sign of WEAKNESS!  It has taught my kids that everyone makes mistakes and it is ok as long as you can take responsibility, say sorry and learn from these experiences and work towards becoming a better person.

I am going to be totally honest and share with you that my children get an apology on a fairly regular basis BECAUSE I AM NOT a "Perfect Mom" BUT I AM A "Good Mom"...

As I was writing this I stepped outside for a second and my son came running behind me and slammed the door.  I went into panic mode because I thought for sure the bottom lock was on and that they would be locked in the house with no way of me being able to get in (ya, that totally warrants a panicked reaction right??)  I immediately turned the knob of the front door and opened with all the might of Hercules and in the process knocked my son down and caught his big toe under the door.  He immediately started to cry and my immediate reaction was NOT to grab him and give him cuddles.  No. It. Was. Not.  Instead, I began yelling and went on a semi-rant about the dangers of closing the front door behind me and how he must NEVER do that again.  It was only after I settled from my panic state and he calmed himself down that I tended to his toe injury which required the application of an ice pac, a band-aid and a shot of Advil (for the swelling).  It was during this time that I apologized for my harsh reaction to the situation but used a more stern (rather than out-of control), constructive voice to reiterate the dangers of what he had done.  He sat on the couch, sulking, for a few minutes and then said, "Mom, I'm very sorry too!"  That melted my heart and goes down in my books as one of my many  proud moments as mom.

I could provide you with more than a handful of other examples of my shortcomings over the past 3 1/2 years but the incident above clearly demonstrates how I often miss the benchmark I have set for myself but it also shows how I can excel on this journey of being a "Good Mom" NOT a "Perfect Mom".


  1. I think the ability to admit our mistakes, apologize, and try to learn from them is HUGE. I 'fess up to my girls when necessary, too. I hope it's a good life lesson. :) Awesome post, Ging!

  2. Great post! I too am not a perfect mom. (gasp) I apologize to my kids daily. I tell my oldest this all the time "Mommy's sorry, she's never raised a 5 year old before. I'm learning and I'm making mistakes." She always giggles and says that she forgives me. I love these moments. And I hope she's learning that it's OK to make mistakes.



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